When Gods Grow Old

Olympus isn’t what it used to be, thought Zeus as he watched the hordes of tourists pour over his estate chattering and taking endless selfies.

The world had moved on since Zeus had moved in up here after defeating his dad, and the Titans in an almighty god war. Ah the good old days, thought Zeus.

Today things were not so good. All the gods had left Olympus apart from Hera. Why did she have to stay?, thought Zeus.

Hermes had gone into logistics and done well for himself. Hera often reminded Zeus of Hermes' success. Why couldn’t you have done something with your life instead of mooching around here all day trying to tap off?, She often said.

Yes, Zeus had a liking for the ladies, but these days his lustful activities had been curtailed by the “me Too” movement and his visits to the pleasure pools had been stopped after the nymphs had taken out a restraining order on him.

There were all those endless letters from the solicitors chasing him up for child support payments. About 12,752 at the last count.

Hera told him, “It's got to stop, all this disgusting disguising and surprising comely maidens, no more appearing as swans, bulls or satyrs, and definitely no more golden showers!”

He looked at the crumbling cracks in his columns, and groaned at the estimates to have it fixed.

Zeus clutched his stomach and winced. Hera said that from all that ambrosia he had guzzled, or was it because he’d eaten his first wife Metis?

But he still had his favourite room to console him. He opened it to reveal rows of shelves and on it were figures of every living human on the planet. Zeus loved to gaze upon the forms, and run his fingers over some, especially the curvy ones.

Zeus thought how people have now moved on to following other gods and devoting themselves to other things.

No one believes in me anymore.

What's the point in being an immortal god when no one worships you?, he thought.

#

In the Marlan household they’d just finished watching “Clash of the Titans”. When Mrs Marlan said, “You know I’ve heard great things about acupuncture, I think I’ll see if I can get treated with acupuncture on the NHS."

Mr Marlan replied, “They won’t do that. The NHS will only use things which are proven. Acupuncture isn’t proven. The NHS won’t waste money on that.”

Zeus was watching and thinking.”I’m bloody fed up of listening to that pompous gasbag going on all the time”

And then Zeus took the figure out off the shelf that looked remarkably like Mr Marlan and then proceeded to crush its head between his fingers.

BIO: Simon is a writer from England. He seeks stillness, solitude, shade and shadow.